There are many gold standard treatments for trauma such as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), which focuses on processing distressing traumatic memories using bilateral stimulation, or Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (TF-CBT) which helps process trauma through structured cognitive and behavioural interventions, or Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) which helps identify and change trauma-related beliefs about safety, trust, control, esteem, and intimacy. At Oak & Rose Counselling, we provide those modalities. But what if you are experiencing significant conflict in your relationship and you know you carry trauma. Did you know you could improve both in couples therapy at the same time?
Trauma doesn't only affect the person who lived through it. It shows up in how couples talk, argue, touch, sleep and plan their lives together. Couples therapy that is trauma-informed can help both partners understand what's happening, ease conflict and distance, and support healing from trauma symptoms. At Oak & Rose Counselling, we offer couples therapy in Thunder Bay, in Longlac, and online across Northwestern Ontario, in English and French. Here's what to know before you start.
How trauma shows up in relationships
When one or both partners carry trauma, couples often notice patterns like these:
One partner pulls away, goes quiet or shuts down during conflict, while the other pushes harder to connect
Small disagreements escalate quickly, or feel bigger than the issue at hand
Intimacy, touch or closeness feel difficult, unsafe or confusing
Irritability, sleep problems or drinking put strain on the household
The partner without the trauma history feels helpless, shut out or exhausted from "walking on eggshells"
Both people feel lonely, even while living side by side
None of this means the relationship is broken or irreparable. It often means that there are two nervous systems reacting to each other in ways that make sense given what one or both partners have been through.
How couples therapy can help with trauma
Individual therapy remains a core treatment for trauma. But research on couple-based approaches, such as cognitive-behavioural conjoint therapy for PTSD, relational life therapy (RLT) and emotionally focused couples therapy, suggests that involving a partner may help reduce trauma symptoms and improve relationship satisfaction for some couples.
Trauma-informed couples therapy can help you:
Understand trauma responses together, so reactions like shutting down or snapping are seen as signals rather than personal attacks
Break the cycle of pursue-and-withdraw or blow-up-and-shut-down that keeps you stuck
Build safety and trust, including around touch and intimacy, at a pace that works for both of you
Support the partner without the trauma history, who often carries their own stress and grief
Make room for repair, so hard conversations end closer rather than further apart
Couples therapy can be done on its own, or alongside individual trauma therapy for one or both partners.
When couples therapy is not the right fit
Couples therapy is not recommended when there is ongoing physical violence, threats, coercion or control in the relationship, or when one partner is afraid of the other. In those situations, individual support and safety planning come first. Every couple we see is screened privately for safety at the start, and we will help connect you with the right support if couples work isn't safe.
What it's like in the North
In Northwestern Ontario, couples often face trauma alongside long distances from services, shift and fly-in work schedules, long winters, and the pressures of small communities where privacy matters. First responders, health care workers, and people working in mining and forestry can bring home the effects of repeated stressful events. For many Indigenous couples and families, relationships are also shaped by the ongoing impacts of colonization and residential schools. Our therapists either have lived experience living in, or understand, prioritize and value the ubiquitous nature of small, northern and remote communities.
We offer flexible virtual sessions so both partners can attend, even if one is working away, along with careful attention to confidentiality and cultural safety.
What to expect in your first sessions
A joint first session to hear what brings you in and what you each hope will change
A brief individual check-in with each partner, including private safety screening
A shared plan that names your patterns, your goals, and how sessions will work
Regular sessions, usually every week or two, with check-ins on progress
You won't be pushed to share details of past trauma before you're ready. The focus is on the relationship and the patterns you can change together.
Approaches we use
Relational Life Therapy (RLT), the Gottman Method, cognitive-behavioural conjoint therapy
Our work is trauma-informed, weight-inclusive and affirming of all couples, including 2SLGBTQIA+ couples.
In person or online?
We offer both in person sessions at our Thunder Bay and Longlac offices, or online for couples anywhere in Ontario, including Greenstone, Nipigon, Hearst, Kenora and fly-in communities. Many couples mix both.
What couples therapy costs and how to pay
Our current fees are 180$ per 50 minute session. Many couples use extended health insurance, since most workplace plans cover Registered Social Workers and Registered Psychotherapists. We invite you to verify your plan's mental health, psychotherapist or social worker coverage prior to our first meeting. Other options include:
Non-Insured Health Benefits (NIHB): our staff are providers with NIHB, and couples counselling may be covered for eligible First Nations and Inuit clients.
Employee Assistance Programs (EAP): there are some employers that cover couples sessions.
Sliding scale: we offer some reduced fees spots, please inquire during your free 15 minute discovery call
Thérapie de couple en français
Chez Oak & Rose Counselling, nous offrons la thérapie de couple axée sur le traumatisme en français, en personne à Thunder Bay et à Longlac, ou en ligne partout en Ontario, y compris à Hearst et dans les communautés francophones du Nord.
Getting started
Booking your first consultation is easy by click the link below, or by emailing our clinic at tammy@oakandrosecounselling.ca. During your free consultation, your therapist will assess your needs, strengths and goals to see whether or not couples therapy is a good idea right now.
If you're in crisis or feel unsafe right now, call or text 9-8-8 (Suicide Crisis Helpline), or call CMHA Thunder Bay Crisis Response at 807-346-8282 (toll-free in the district: 1-866-888-8988), available 24/7. Indigenous people can also reach the Hope for Wellness Help Line at 1-855-242-3310. In an emergency, call 911.
